Halve Mein Hash 178 - The Thank F*ck McCavity's Gone Hash - Dyken Pond, NY
Where: Dyken Pond, Cropseyville, NY
Pack: Pigf*cker, Willy Wanker, Spank Bank, Dairy Queen, Bobhead, Mo Ho, Tubslut, AARPenis, Nice Snatch, Just Jessica, Just Minus (Hound), Hypovaganemia, Vagetarian (Just Kimmy)
Scribe: Nice Snatch
We snarfed some donuts left by the hare and warmed up with Father Birmingham. The T and E trail left from the parking lot at the end of Dike In Pond Road. We explained the marks, but other than T/E, it was supposed to be a cajun trail. Real easy. Vagetarian wanted to know why I was sending her on the Tough trail.
This was virgin territory for the HMH3, as intended by the hare. What was not intended by the hare was the path of the trail. It seemed clear that the hare was lost as the flour took us through the woods and every so often veered drastically to the left or the right. It was not meant to trick us (there was flour every 6.9 feet), but was evidence of a lost hare trying to find her way. Eventually she did, and corrected her errors with a few false trails and arrows. This first occurred as we approached the 1st beer check. Most of the hounds continued down a hiking trail with flour scattered everywhere. MoHo, however, was heard to say in the opposite direction: "what does BN stand for?" He was still wondering as we all trampled past him.
The Eagles met the Turkeys at a big pile of glacial erratic boulders, where we were treated to a fine dark scottish ale (Belhaven). One bottle was lost in transport, when the cooler popped open and it jumped out, committing beericide. We held a brief wake, displaying the dead carcus. We cried somberly as we slurped down its brethren. We sang a few songs and hung out in the pleasantly warm and rather sunny November weather. God loves the hash. We then determined that Just Minus is a gay dog because before trail he tried to sodomize Pig F*cker (who encouraged the activity), and because he couldn't keep his mouth off every big stick he found. Willy showed up to the beer check, having gotten to the parking lot late and r*nning the first half of trail on his own. He was wearing a red wool skirt, just like a real Scotsman.
We drank and climbed around on the rocks for a while while Pig F*cker and Willy regaled us with tales from afar. We also taught Amazon a new song (Wendy's Cunt Song), which she quickly memorized and will perform at the next hash.
We were warned by the hare to respect the falses, then set out for the second check, which was at a lean-to. It turns out that when Krusty left for Boston, he didn't have room for two half bottles of liquor. As it happened, we only had room for one half bottle of rasberry vodka, which we were barely able to finish off. The second bottle was labeled as rum, but it was undrinkable. It served well as paint remover, and we used it to clean up some of the grafitti left by local hoodlums. Snatch explained how a single sheet of two-ply TP can last you a whole weekend camping in the woods. Then we set out on trail through the Dyke swamps. At numerous points we walked along boardwalks that took us through the marshes, then ended at a small parking lot along Dyken Pond Road. When Tubslut stopped here earlier, they had found "on-in" written in flour on a rock for this pre-laid trial. And that's where we were greeted by beer and held circle.
DAL - Hypovaganemia
Backsliders - Amazon, Hypovaganemia (Vag1) Pig F*cker, Snatch, Tubslut, Willy Wanker, Vagetarian (Vag2)
In honor of McCavity, those wearing kilts drank, followed by those not wearing kilts (Willy drank both times). Snatch explained that McCavity taught him two things: 1) how to wear a kilt and 2) the "I want my hole" down-down song.
Hash crash - Pig F*cker and SB3
Virgin - Just Jessica was our born again virgin and drank for bringing Just Minus on his virgin trail. She is an "animal lover," and more specifically, a sheep f*cker.
Hashit - the showdown for hashit was between AARPenis (mistaking beer for apple juice) and Dairy Queen (for leaving his kilt at home). DQ2 won and wasted several ounces of Mic Ultra by throwing the contents on the RA. We punished him by refilling the hashit with a finer brew, then laced it with Krusty's shitty-ass rum.
Naming - We went through some good stories about Just Kimmy and we generated a list of nominations. She was not named Rachel Gay, Holes not Poles, Kumma Kumma Kimma Kum Kum (or something like that - only Vag1 can pronounce it correctly), Dike in Pond, Dim Kum, Toilet Teaser, Nice F*cking Tits, or Toilet Pleaser. She was named Vagetarian because you are what you eat.
After closing up circle, we piled in the back of the truck and sang boisterously down the road, to the amazement, horror, and then entertainment of the guy getting wood near the start.
The On-after was at the Snatch Patch where we had creamy Snatch Stew. Later we played Taboo, and it seemed that "big black penis" was a clue that could generate most correct answers. DQ1 showed up with Prickly, who was adorned with new jewlery. And it was sparkly and on her ring finger. They went to Bermuda, where navigational instruments and brains do not function. The moron got down on one knee. PB proved to be the bigger moron, and said yes. I inquired further and, yes ladies and hashers, there will be a civil wedding, and a hash wedding.On-on!
Your RA and Scribe pro hoc vice,
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