Hash 108 - Central Park - Schenectady, NY
Where: Schenectady Central Park
Hares: Donkey Style / Dirtbag
Scribe: Astro Homo
Hounds: Poptop, Astro Homo, THFKAD, Just Matt, Willy Wanker and the Fudge Factory, All Holes Hoping, Lickalottapuss, Just Melissa, Sir Frances of Ass, Nice Snatch, Tubslut, plus Donkey-Style/Stair Masters dog Just Timber.
3 hashers got lost trying to find the start, including homeboy Francis of Ass who grew up 2 blocks from the park. Luckily for those hashers too afraid of technology to print out directions and get a map they made cell phones. However Tubslut is going to have to purchase a Halve-Mein Hash House Harrier cell phone carrier.
The hares took off at a crawling, hangover-laden pace to set trail while the hounds decided if they should run the hash clothes optional. Astro Homo was down to his stained undies, when he noticed Central Park is full of people, including the car of em-bare-assed parents right behind him.
The pack took off chasing their Willy. As the chocolate factory found all the true trails in a check mark laden forest. After a quick go we ended up 100 yards from the vehicles. That was a short run that didn't end yet. We cut back away from the vehicles in a clover leaf pattern and ran through the crowded section of Centrl Park. Confused families having cookout watched as the hashers mingled and look for clues. All ten of us were instructed to jump on lead-painted rockships for a quick swing before heading on.
We took off up the hill to a couple of check points that had THFKAD 1/2 mile away and Sir Francis 3/4 mile away on a second false trail. The rest of us chased our Willy down past the lake and then the Public swimming pool. At 100 plus humidity it was Sir Francis the kept me from making a game ending detour into the swimming pool.
We ended up 100 yards from the vehicles. That was a short run that didn't end yet. We had a quick song check and sang the S&M man in honor THFKAD's pregnant girl friend who was hanging out by the toilets smoking cigarettes and drinking beer.
Nice snatch put the lightning to his feet as he needed to take off for Burlington in a little bit. He ended up in the woods 100 yards from our cars. There was a black volkswagon suspiciously parked as if Dirtbag was planning on leaving us some beer. Snatch ran full speed to the back of the car and yelled "Dirtbag" at 2 very shocked teenagers, who were about to preform an unnatural act. The pack that followed were kind enough to let the teenagers continue but the girl did not seem to believe we would not watch so eventually she made her boyfriend find a new rendevous.
Now we're thinking since there is a BN sign and we are 100 yards from the vehicles this has been a nice trail time to go home but the trail didn't end. We continued through a swamp through the woods accross the street into a fourth wooded area that lead to a cemetary.
The pack immediately started looking for envelopes on the head stones but none were to be found. With all the check points false trails and unknown adventures we had an extremely odd moment: The Halve Mein Hash House Harriers looked down trail and found they had to follow "Tubslut" through Schenectady.
How lost were we? You know that feeling you get when you are up to your chest in quicksand and you have to grab a burning rope? That's the way we felt following Tubslut through the Schenectady cemetary. At 120 murders a year there were many freshly filled in pits.
Snatch finally had no choice but to take off. The rest of us continued out of the cemetary, past the Dollar Store, the Bail-Bonds shack, the Rent-A-Center, the Check cashing store, and the Pawn Shop. All the signs of civilization, except people. At 100 plus humidity they were all safely back at the public swimming pool.
We turned and ended up in a cemetary with lots of black-cap raspberries that nourished us for the rest of the trail. Which was another set of clever check points and false trails that had front running Willy so far removed from the pack that he didn't rejoin the group until the 2 hikers passed by. At which time Willy finally decided that it would be more interesting to have a threesome with the 2 females than continue to have 8 men chasing his ass allover Schenectady.
We circled back at Donkey Style's ranch, and sobbed at the sight of their empty swimming pool. There were thoughts of filling it with the worthless Coors Light and Miller Lite supplied for circle.
Circle included three namings.
You can now call Donkey-Style/Stair Master, Donkey Style as she was renamed back officially. She was given a pin the tail on the donkey's ass game from Ditch Bitch (And when one hare drinks...)
Even though just Melissa, and just Matt have only run 4 hashes they were prematurely named anyways. The crowd shouted we already have named them lets make it official so in true hash fashion we changed ther names.
Just Melissa was not named Bang Brothers, Drunk Dial, Blind Date, Drunk Ass, Gravel Ass, Ass Rash, Copasquat, Flotation Device, Midnight at the Oasis, Camel Toe, Two Lips on my Organ, or Blows for Hire. Thanks to the camel toe producing spandex outfit that Just Melissa was wearing she is now named "Lick-n-Stick"
Thanks to a head of hair Kramer and the Heat Miser would be proud of, Just Matt is now called Krusty the Meat Miser. He was not named Glory Hole or Ralph Malph.
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