Halve Mein Hash House Harriers

When: August 2, 2006
Where: Patroon Inn, East Greenbush, NY
Hare: McCavity; Lickallotapus (Baguar)
Scribes: Snatch / McCavity
Pack: All Holes Hoping, Bosda, Cockeater, Dirtbag (buggered off before circle), Ditch Bitch, Dr. Queer, Just Anne Marie (virgin), Laurel, Link Hardknob, Nice Snatch, Pig F*cker, Prickly Bush (late cummer), Spank Bank, Tubslut, Willy Wanker

The Saratoga race track was closed Wednesday because horses would have run the risk of death if out trotting more than a 1/4 mile in the record breaking heat. But it was not too hot for hashing. Unbenownst to the pack, and though it was a close call, your religious advisor's silent incantation must have worked:

Bless this hare,
Bless this trail,
Coppus no catch us,
Farmer no shoot us,
Doggus no bite us,
Heatus no stroke us,
But, dear God, just to clarify: other stroking is okay,
Plenty of cold beer to drink,
Coitus non-interuptus.

After explaining the Hash-it to some drunken locals at the Patroon Inn, chalk talk and Father Birmingham, the pack set off down 3rd Ave. Ext. before heading into some shrubby anklebusting rutty paths, where the deerflies were the size of pigeons and hungry for human flesh. The ATV trails were good and shiggarific, and the falses were well marked. The Eagles encountered unavoidable mud and the turkeys reported two swamp passages. Only Willy, Pig F*cker, Snatch and Link Hardknob took the Eagle trail, meeting at the beer check (at an open lot near I-90) after the first wave of Turkeys but before the second. We sang a few songs at the beer check, including a somber yet delightful "I Shat Myself," thanks to Tubslut. The second leg set out along the NIMO transmission lines, and a turn on powder sent me (Snatch) needlessly down a canyon - the type of steep hill that McCavity in well known for marking with hidden flour - he even did it earlier on that trail. I think it was far too hot for that kind of bullsh*t.

The second beer check was held on unposted private property, so we only consumed a bit of needed liquid. Some were seen drinking water (no, not Coors Light, actual H2O). After being dispatched by the alleged property owner, who weilded a menacing ATV, we autohashed to the start and then to the McCavity mansion (some with Police escort) for circle and pizza. Ewe Infected Me apparently had peddled all the way out to the start just to leave a love note on Pig F*cker's truck that read BOC EWE. Genius.

Circle (that I can remember):

Hares: McC; Bag Bitch Lickallotapus (and when one pregnant lady drinks, all pregnant ladies drink (AHH))
FRBs/FBIs: Spank Bank - FRB for the Turkeys, PF - FRB for the Eagles, Ditch Bitch - FBI, Just Hal - avoiding being FRB by moving slower than any man should who knows a beer is 30yards away.
DAL: DQ (did he ever drink for this?)
Latecummers and Backsliders: PB, DQ, Ditch Bitch, Tubslut, AHH, Lickallotapus, Bodsa, Cockeater
Dead Guys (Garcia, O'Toole, and Gispert): Willy; SB3 (stoner rock stars); McC & Tubslut (British tools); PF (a stand in for our missing founder) and everyone else for something.
Naming: Just Hal was awarded a prized medallion like spark plug gapper that Snatch found on trail in Scotia for bravery in the face of hashing (he found trail in a monsoon just as the rest of the pack were going to retrace their steps). It was also his 5th r*n. He was not named Hard and Smooth, Link Hearthrob, or Pink Licknob, but forever shall be known as Link Hardknob.
Analversaries: In the absence of Dirtbag who had run away early from his 140th, AHH drank for 60 runs with his pregnant better half.
Having less than half a mind more than Ewe and ruining his chances of ever getting a homecooked meal again: Cockeater
Virgin Anne Marie said Bodsa made her cum, but there were no videos. She would certainly not get off a bus full of lesbians and didn't know the square root of 69, and willingly demonstrated her favorite position on AHH, who requests that she attaches the stap on next time for his full enjoyment.
After some of the lamest nominations in many a run, the Hash-it went to Prickly Bush B after a tiebreaker with AHH was resolved by a best boobies showdown.
At which it was time to close circle and eat pizza.

Announcements: HMH3 Hashers will be attending the following functions in August: a). HVH3 Aug. 3 (tonight). b) Bash Aug 5. c) Full moon Aug. 9. d) MTL Red Dress Aug. 11-13. e) Aug. 19 hash and party. f) RQ's virgin lay Aug. 26.

Random notes from your hare and scribe:

Early arrivers at the Patroon Inn (SB3, Willy, McCavity, Bodsa and our virgin) encountered enough bad singing and inane chanting from the patrons to make any hasher feel at home.

Link Hardknob ran Eagle trail alone despite being old enough to know better.

Turns on powder and hidden flour? I blame the influence of our founder, GM emeritus and notorious powder turner Dirtbag. An old hashing proverb states that he who keeps running with no trail marks down a steep hill deserves the climb back up.

On-On!

If you have anything to add, send a note to pf@hmhhh.com.