In a spirit of Hash fraternity BH3 were quickly notified of our
possession of the skull, anonymously of course:
Master Gator immediately suspected Pencil Dick,
a former Boston hasher now based in D.C.:
"Pencil Dick, you whiny little whore. I'm
prepared to make you an offer. Would you like my offer now? My
offer is this: nothing. Furthermore, I'd appreciate it if you
shine and buff that skull and return it to me personally at the
New England Red Dress (NERD) run 2003 on November 22.
So angry but so wrong. In response to our second
communication the collective intellect of the Boston Hash continued
in the aggressive theme:
"you f-ing skull snatcher ... you will have
the wrath of the Boston hash on your sorry weeny ass. We will
find you and root you out of your sorry dank and dismal hiding
place. (at this point they may have confused us with Saddam
Hussein - editor)
Oh, and we have stuff to trade that you might
prefer to the skull.
We have The Jizzmopper, who we will give to you along with
a 6 pack of Old Milwaukee Tall Boys. We will even duct tape the
sucker's mouth shut for you. You must keep him for at least a
year or two.
Cums Alone (BH3 Scribe), Puff-n-Stuff (Bh3 RA) and Master
Gator (BH3 GM), plus an assortment of other hashers present and
watching the Pats game"
At least they were making an opening offer, but
one which the Skull Liberation Army (SLA) could easily reject.
Even before any members had met Jizz Mopper. We also felt an obligation
to save the skull's psyche from having to deal with whining Red
Sox fans when their inevitable defeat by the Yankees occurred,
but a counter offer was made:
"In exchange for it's safe return we at
the Skull Liberation Army (Red Dress undercover chapter) demand:
A bevvy of your fine Irish hashettes.
A 1000 word essay entitled "Why I must take more care of
A case of Sam Adams' finest.
A Red Sox world series hat.
We await you positive response."
So the skull's freedom continued with travel to
West Point, where watching a hopeless Army team would prepare
him for life as a loser New England sports fan: