Hash 81 - Petersburg Pass - Eastern NY
Where: Petersburg Pass
Hares: Dr Queer, McCavity, Peace O’Chum
Scribe: McCavity, Hash Jack of all Trades
Disclaimer: Anyone who is easily confused (i.e.most hashers) will have difficulty following this trash. Do not peruse under the influence of alcohol. Continue at your own risk. May contain scenes of gratuitous sex. OK, maybe not the last part. Even with Dr Queer haring.
The initial instructions were simple enough. Get to the NY-MA border on Rt 2 by noon. Except the start time was moved to 1pm but people were still supposed to get there at noon. Then Astro Homo could only make it if we started before 1pm. But 1pm then became the start time. And Astro Homo arrived late. In the event the only person to arrive on time was Cider Man from NY H3, though the hares were close after depositing cars at a distant point B somewhere in VT. Which is unheard of from Dr Queer and McCavity. Then the hares got nervous about laying trail in the shiggy and set off at 12.20 leaving mystery hare Peace O’Chum to organize the pre-r*n. Eventually a pack featuring 6 Halve Mein r*nners, 6 visitors and 2 virgins from Pittsfield looking for some vestige of civilization set off south along the Taconic Ridge.
At this point the pack began to fragment. Goes Down and Sinnerbad from Montreal were defeated by the first hill and rejoined Peace O’Chum and Laurel and Hardly R*nning for an unofficial walking trail. The rest of the pack climbed hills and fought through shiggy before finding themselves nearly back at the parking lot. Circle Jerking b**tard hares! The real trail headed north and began up a cliff face. Astro Homo is having too much influence on how this hash is hared. The pack were, however, relieved that they would be spared any river crossings. Unless this was a reeaaally long r*n.
Meanwhile trail in the woods was only going to get more complex, particularly as McCavity got lost while setting it and only found Dr Queer by use of cell phone and navigation by the sun. So now we have 3 separated hares, with only Peace O’Chum knowing her role: get the beer to the beer check. Though she only had sketchy instructions how to find the beer check. But she has BEER. And 2 hounds plus the genuine hash hound for company. While the rest of the pack are hacking around in the shiggy, attempting to avoid tearing the flesh from their legs. Somewhere in NY. Or VT. Or maybe MA during the slight detour added while McCavity was lost. Are you following me so far?
The pack and the BEER were finally reunited in a tender and emotional moment and enjoyed a spectacular fall view of NY before the hardy r*nners headed back into VT and a steep downhill while the walkers returned to the start along the forest trail. With Astro Homo who had appeared late but had to leave early, and was by now weak from the loss of blood, and overachiever Comes On Vacation who had tainted the spirit of hashing by r*nning a half marathon that morning. Then there was the third alternative, the Ralph Naderesque r*nning walkers. Or walking r*nners, Francis and HAP. Unfortunately the r*nners thought they were walkers, the walkers thought they were r*nners. Most importantly though, no-one paid them any attention. Like Ralph Nader.
The r*nners had several more miles in the woods of VT, fortified only by Genny beer and water from a welcome stream. Our classy GM, trying to impress the ladies as ever, even found a glass to serve it out of. Shame he can only ever give a girl 4 ounces. Seven hounds managed to ignore the delights of the Eagle trail (a spur to the point where the 3 states meet) while Nice Snatch received full overachieving points for completing the course, but when they finally broke from the woods and spotted the hares supping beer it was a welcome sight. Finally all 8 r*nners had emerged from the shiggy in various states of disrepair and packed into the cars for the 10 mile ride to beer and circle.
With the hash apparently reunited at the Rt 2 parking lot Peace O’Chum enquired where Francis and HAP might be. “With you of course” claimed the pack. “Errr, no, they headed out on the main trail”. Ooops. Once again the hares headed into MA to locate their errant r*nners, and found them unsure of which state they were in and where they were headed, but enjoying the hospitality and liquor of a couple of passing hunters.
Finally, after only 4 hours, the hash were all in one place. Food was consumed and circle was convened. As per usual awards were given to those who did and did not deserve them:
The hares: Dr Queer, McCavity, Peace O’Chum
FRB: Eagle - Nice Snatch, Turkey – THFKAD
DAL – Francis
Visitors – Boner, Canus Likus, Cider Man, Comes On Vacation, Goes Down, Sinnerbad
Virgins – Marie (sister of Anal Lick it All – our guest hare for Thanksgiving; would not get off on a bus full of lesbians), Lori (would get off “sooner or later”), both from Pittsfield.
Dr Queer for dressing for circle
Dirtbag for getting old
Hashit – Boner (for being Canadian or something)
You can guess the rest: songs, beer, food, beer etc, then back to the Man of Kent pub for the on after.McCavity (hash jack of all trades)
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