Halve Mein Hash House Harriers

Hounds slowly gathered together in the parking lot outside of JoAnne Fabrics. All around us, the smell of commerce filled the air, but we weren't having any of that. It was time to Hash.

Fortunately for us, the weather God decided to up the temperature gauge on this November day. Unfortunately for us, it meant that the snow on the ground was now turning to slush and the snow in the air was turning to rain.

Perfect.

Religious Advisor THFKAD had undertaken a sacred quest and retrieved the HASH-IT from the Dark Distant Dungeons of Clifton Park, where it had been held by the winged evil Dark UnderLord Wanna-Be Uranus, who flies high above middle Earth.

A small, but determined group of 6 fake hounds and one real hound had collected, and we deemed that it was time to begin. The hare gave us the chalk talk by throwing his breakfast on the ground and telling us to follow the fruit loops. It was loudly suggested to the pack that the possibility did exist that he may TURN ON POWDER. The Hare was away with a huge red backpack (we were hoping it was full of beer. We were wrong. See: Circle) and a step ladder tied to his back. A brisk warm up of "My Name is Joe" got a lot of attention from shoppers, and we were blessed with a visit from Anal Starfish - who plans to join us for hashing someday, but golly, it's sorta cold out today, so I think I'll give my credit cards a workout instead. Anyway, we're off.

On Trail:

The hounds found plenty of spray paint, plenty of hash on this well marked trail. The hare was a crafty bastard, running us through brambles, puddles and over two water crossings that we long cutted. (Hint: If you are going to have a water crossing, make sure there isn't a bridge within sight 30 feet away!). There was talk that Astro Homo would only be allowed to hare in the summer, lest he be tempted to try this again. THFKAD somehow picked most of the false trails, but since there were so many of them, everyone got a go at least one. We hit some really shiggy spots, and since they were right next to a lake, there were a couple of soggy Hash Crashes.

The ladder, as it turns out was used to help us over a 6 foot fence to a pavilion, where a beer check waited. This turned out to be the contents of the large red bag that the hare was carrying with him. We would have happily continued on to trail end, but it was determined that the only beer we had was for the beer check, and the Hare had left the rest of the beer in the car at the On-In (some miles away). Since there was no beer at trail end, we quickly deemed the hash halt to be the end.

Circle:

The remaining beverages were rationed off for the major down-downs, and we proceeded with the ceremony. (Note to RA: Learn some freaking Down-Down songs already!) After a short circle (it was getting cold), we adjourned to warmer climates.

We welcome virgin hasher No-Name Charlie (Arrrrmeeee training, suh!) to the hash. (Who made him come? No-Name Sarah made him come!) No-Name Charlie was forced to wait to perform his Down-Down at Smokey Bones BBQ house, where we held our after party. He had to chug an entire pint. Didn't slow him down, though, as he ate everyones chicken fingers as well as his own meal.

Mismanagement:

The FRB was No-Name Sarah, DAL was Dirtbag (He went back for the ladder. Fool!) The HASH-IT was awarded to the hare, Astro Homo, for leaving the beer in his car at the On-On, and not having them at the On-In!

On-On!

Your Hash Scribe, The Hasher Formerly Known As Don (THFKAD)

If you have anything to add, send a note to thfkad@hmhhh.com.