Halve Mein Hash 168 - Krusty Goes Kommando Hash - Bethlehem, NY
Where: Bethlehem Town Park, Bethlehem NY
Pack: Pigf*cker, McCavity, Nice Snatch, Bodsa, Prickly Bush, Donkey Style, Link Hardknob, Just Anne-Marie, Just Julie, Just Jonathan (V), Just Alex (V), Just Chris (V), Just Andrea (V)
After a number of hashes featuring mainly the “usual suspects” whose life is so free of useful activity that they feel the need to run every time someone drops flour, we finally found some new blood to invigorate the Halve Mein hash. As to whether it was the pleasant weather and easy to reach location in Delmar, or the thought of Krusty going commando that brought out 4 virgins and two timers Just Julie and Just Anne-Marie the scribe will not speculate.
Our overachieving hare soon departed to lay trail... on what was to prove an almost all live hared hash. There are only 3 reasons to lay live for real rather than merely lying about laying live trail:
1. You are a crafty purveyor of the haring art and can confuse the half-minds in the pack with your guile.
2. You are a healthy show off bastard over-achiever who should be iced immediately.
3. You are too lazy to scout and prelay and hope noone will notice that run preparation consisted of grabbing too little flour and a box of bad beer.
After the shortsless RA worked his way into a pair Krusty may have been using to farm crabs the virgins were introduced to the arcane trail marks, Father Birmingham was acknowledged in song and the pack departed for a period of kris-krossing the park. Confusion is clearly afoot when Bodsa ends up FRBing more than once. After a series of cunning checks had the pack hunting for flour the trail finally trail took our intrepid hashers down to the “Fitness Trail”... where just Andrea has managed to zen straight for the beer. An virgin savant of hashing is among us! The beer check was light on beer (Colt 45??!) so “I used to live in Chicago” was sung to greet the dusk and exercise our thirsty mouths.
Trail now not unexpectedly followed the fitness trail, bypassed the woods where McCavity once nearly lost the entire pack and finally cut down into the park over a steeplechase of fallen trees. At this point Pigf*cker led many in the pack down a long false V in the trail while McCavity picked up true trail and headed pretty much straight for his old house. Trail skirted baseball fields where our krafty hare had sworn the kids to secrecy, across a road and into the woods behind his old high school. Meanwhile McCavity was close on his tail but oblivious to his chance for a snaring (and who is going to outsprint Krusty anyway?) and the hare made it to Just Chris' house just in time. The pack soon followed to find a fine selection of beer on offer and were treated to some unexpected overachieving by racing slowpokes.
Trail was clearly close to the end as the hare was nearly free of flour and as anticipated took a fairly direct route back to a picnic area in the park where the hare awaited us with cooling beers for our efforts... only he left his car keys at the beer check and was last seen retracing trail. Link Hardknob showed military grit in finishing the whole trail while the more seasoned hashers awaited the hare's return and the baiting of virgin flesh. And Pigf*cker made like a monkey in the rafters.
The hare was serenaded for his shitty trail and was accorded the traditional single digit scoring system.
FRB – Link Hardknob for being the first to finish the whole trail, drank with just Andrea for her zenning skills at the first beer check and Bodsa, Donkey Style and Just Anne Marie for racing.
DAL – Link Hardknob for being the last to finish the whole trail, drank with last bitches in (Just Julie, Just Andrea).
Analversary – Prickly Bush for 30 runs.
Virgins (oh so many!):
Just Chris – Krusty made him cum; he would get off on a bus full of Krustys.
Just John – Bodsa made him cum (on New Scotland Ave of all places); his favorite sexual position was being molested by Just Andrea.
Just Alex – Just John made him cum; The Square Root of 69 is 9.
Just Andrea – Krusty made her cum; she thought $1 was the key to Snatch's pants (hey, he's a lawyer, it'll take at least a $20).
Hashit Nominations:Pigf*cker for forgetting the classic hashit (the one without ass hair)
Bodsa for falling off a dock
Krusty for forgetting his keys and riding a pool cue
Somebody for something illegible
and of course the unanimous winner Snatch for desecrating the hashit with his ass hair.
Backsliders: Just Anne Marie, Just Julie, Prickly Bush, Donkey Style.
After which the pack swung low and departed for My Place and Co where Pigf*cker made a bid to relieve Snatch of the hashit by locking his keys in his truck.
McCavity, very occasional scribe.
More trashing from P*gF*ck*r's and Snatch:
The next hash is 169 (give or take a few bar crawls, UGHs, rafting trips and fat boys.) Who can say which one is really the one true 169? We should live each day as if we will find 69 around each corner! Remember, the 69 position is fully sanctioned by the American Board of Bored Lesbians (ABBL)!
First off, let me extend my thanks to Krusty for his Elm Avenue Park redux Hash last night. In true to theme form, most hashers ran the trail commando (myself included). This made pantsing the hare all the more fun. We can safelty state that the bright orb dangling low in the sky wasn't the only illuminated pasty white object we saw last evening.
Trumping the fact that the piss warm beer supplied for trail and circle was Miller High Life (don't you people shop at any decent beer stores? Stewarts isn't the only game in town, people!,) was that our hare brought out 4 (rivaling only Boston in unadulterated hashers cranium count) virgins for sacrifice. We welcome Just Alex, Just Chris, Just John, and Just Andrea (AKA Bodsa Junior) to the Halve Mein fold. It was great to see Just Julie and Just Anne Marie again. Familiar faces on trail were McCavity, Link Hardknob, Nice Snatch, Donkey Style, Bodsa, Krusty the Meat Miser, and yours truly, PigF*cker!
Despite his bright, shiny looking shoes, Just Alex escaped the wrath of RA, Snatch. Maybe he'll eff up and wear em again.
WHAT ABOUT VIRGINS?
"Look, there's Becky Poteat, North Carolina's high school record holder in the women's high hurdles. She's the only virgin in the county."
You: "I heard she was a virgin" Me: "You're a gullible idiot"
"I remember a girl named Virginia. We called her 'Virgin', for short, but not for long."
NEW WORDS TO THE 'MORE BEER" SONG [Dedicated to Just Andrea's Vagina]More beer...etc
Well I pounded it some, but I'm not done
Now that she's poo'ed, there's two holes to screw
Now it's date three, I get the milk for free
She's just had four, a real gang bang whore
Somewhere around five, she yelled "My pussy's alive!"
When she was six, she had her first prick
Snatch gave her his seven, claimed her pussy was heaven
PigF*cker slid her his eight, adding "she tastes fucking great"
Bodsa strapped on nine, agreed that her 'gine is fine
McCavity gave her his ten, but there's still room for some friends
QUOTES FROM LAST NIGHTS TRAIL:
The following quotes from Krusty's trail last night are more or less in chronoligical order, and at least 69% accurate:
"If I slip this Canadian quarter in my American vagina, will you waive hash cash?" - Just Julie
"Can I borrow somebody's panties?" - Snatch
"Sharing is caring, but it's not really an orgy if you don't have at least five people." - Bodsa Junior (Just Andrea)
"We have found my replacement." - Bodsa, indicating Bodsa Junior (McCavity nodding)
"This is just another lesbian clusterf*ck." - BJ (I think there was more to it, but can't remember)
"I would be here enjoying this stellar brew, nudity, and frolicking if I didn't live a whole mile down the road." - Sperm Bank (an historic hasher in more ways than one)
"It's too dark to follow trail, but we can just follow Krusty's white glow-in-the-dark ass bobbling across the field." - Pig F*cker
"I left my car keys at my boyfriend's apartment." - Krusty (passing the pack backwards on trail)
"I like it long and hard." - Link Hardknob
"Next year is the year of the Pig!" - Pig F*cker (while swinging from the rafters making monkey noises)
"Follow the Prickly Bush and you will find Tiny Twat" - Prickly Bush pimpin' her Pah-tay
"Blah, blah, blah, ass hair, bitch, bitch, bitch" - Bodsa
"Talk to my frozen anus with your hot tongue." - Krusty to Analinguist
"I know for a fact that you can catch crabs that way." - Krusty (pointing to the shorts he lent to Snatch)
"There is no more Magic Hat, but there is plenty more warm Miller High Life" - Krusty
"Ouch, that hurts. Can't you empty the cans before you throw them at me? Ow! Ouch!" - Krusty
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