Hash 138 - Another Astro Homo Shiggylicious Run - Waterford, NY
Where: Ursula of Switzerland, Waterford, NY
Trash Editor: Pig F*cker
Hare: Astro Homo
Hounds: Just Sharon, Just Dave, Just Doug, Just Nancy, Just Kathy, Just Darryl, Dirtbag, Peace O'Chum, Poptop, Spank Bank, Nice Snatch, Willie W*nker & TCF, Ditch Bitch, PigF*cker, Pontius Penis, Touchdown Jesus, Krusty the MM, Lickalottapuss, All Holes Hoping, BobHead, Kidcock, Bockman Turn Her Over, Laurel & Hardly Breathing
God does love the hash!!! Sunny and 60+ degrees, is this really March, is this really NY. The pack gathered slowly at or near the appointed hash standard time of 1:00 in the parking lot of the Ursula of Switzerland factory, I don't know exactly what Ursula manufactures, but the name conjurs up visions of a bordello and girls hanging out on porches in scantily, whoa lost my concentration for a second there. As the pack gathered members were wondering what type of adventure we were in for, as we had started near here before and ended up in a canoe, paddling across the mouth of the Mohawk river to Peebles Island state park. Or up the slippery slopes of Lansingburg into Schaghticoke. We would find out soon enough what the plans of the illustrious Astro Homo would be. After hare away, the pack enjoyed beer that Pig F*cker brought, and we did hash aerobics to the tune of Father Birmingham.
Trail led us towards downtown and across the canal bridge to our first check point, trail continued straight to another check point and true trail to the left, this is where we ran into our first of several turns on powder. Trail continued up and over Lock 1 of the Barge Canal and what looked to be back towards the start. Trail continued along a back water for the canal and into a fenced in parking lot. I had gone off onto a bad trail and shortcutted this part of the trail. I continued out onto Saratoga Ave and back onto Burton Ave, where I caught up with the rest of the pack trying to get around the gate. Sniffing out trail again, it led down the bike path and to our first water crossing, which led across a fallen tree. Hashers being what we are, there were casualties, with Just Darryl and BobHead (a transplant to the Halve Mein from the Tiblisi Hash in Georgia) getting soaked to their bellies (Editorís note: Nah, they got soaked to their tits!) Some hashers tried to avoid this crossing, but there was a song check on the other side of the stream, which we all had to gather for, there was another fallen tree, which several harriettes and Poptop crossed. Laurel simply walked across the ice. Poptop, not being well balanced, decided to show off his cowboy maneuvers. Lucky tree, lucky Poptop.
With everybody safe across, the pack gathered to sing Yo Ho, Yo Ho and continued on trail to the first Eagle/Turkey split. The eagles continued back towards the water for another crossing with the assistance of a rope (Editorís note: we ended up just walking across the ice, too.) The turkeys crossed Saratoga Ave and up Van Ness St to Columbus Ave. Left on Columbus to Waterford Village Park, where we came to our second Eagle/Turkey split. The eagles extended there run by going around Sugar Loaf Pond and back to meet up with the turkey trail which circled back around to Van Ness. Taking a left we continued up the hill into the rich neighborhood of Waterford and to a hash halt in front of somebody's million dollar home. As the pack gathered and waited, one hound decided this was a good place to torch one up. Oh well, I guess it was desolate enough.
With the pack all joined up we continued down a dirt road and then to the power line right of way. Ahh, finally! What we all come out to an Astro Homo trail for, SHIGGY. The really slippery wet clay that makes it oh so fun to run. Actually it wasn't as bad as usual. Running through the woods and shiggy we came to the beer check. After searching in an ever widening circle we eventually found the beer and water in a backpack against a tree. After the beer check trail continued the bramble and out to a farmers field not far from the previous mentioned right of way. Trail continued back towards the Waterford rural cemetary, but stopped short with a turn on powder going back into a freshly plowed field to another check point. This brought us out to a fence line which some of us followed and some of us jumped, only to have to jump back over to follow it back to the place we were suppose to jump over. Jeez, I knew I should have stayed on the other side of the fence. Trail continued across the field to the barge canal, which we followed along to Lock 3.
Trail continued up and over Lock 3 and continued along the now empty barge canal to your choice of a rope or ladder down to the muddy bottom of the canal bed. The mud was very deceptive, as it gathered on your shoes as you ran. By the time we had crossed the bed of mud my shoes had easily gained a couple of pounds of mud, man I wish I was in better shape!!! Trail came out at the bottom of Lock 4 and continued to the end which was in the parking lot of Lock 4. The pack slowly gathered in the parking lot, where we knocked back some refreshment (beer) and then carpooled back to the start and onto the circle at Astro Homo's humble abode in the lovely town of Schaghticoke.Until next time On-On
Scribe and GME
Circle, as recorded and remembered by PigF*cker:Hare: Astro Homo for his shitty shiggy trail (We sang "Shitty Trail...")
Cranium Gear in Circle: Spank Bank (We sang "You're an asshole...")
Bloody Trail: PigF*cker, Dirtbag, Peach O'Chum, Just Darryl, Pontius Penis, BobHead (We sang "When the End of the Month Rolls Around...")
FRB/FBI: Spank Bank and Peace O'Chum (We sang "With an F...")
DAL: Krusty (He has to give up his girlfriend!)
Soaked on Trail: Just Darryl, BobHead. BobHead was given the option to show her tits or drink, but she said that they were just warming up. (We sang "Here's to Brother Hasher...")
Changing Clothes before Circle: Touchdown Jesus, Pontius Penis, BobHead, Just Darryl, Krusty, Spank Bank, All Holes Hoping (who actually drank for losing clothing - his underwear)
Backsliders: Astro Homo, Ditch Bitch, Just Nancy (Willy drank as proxy as she was cooking food), Kidkock, Just Kathy, Bockman Turned Her Over, All Holes Hoping, Lickalottapuss
Just Sharon knows what she can get under a dollar and it aint much, she would definitely get off on a bus full of lesbians but was to shy to demonstrate her favorite sexual position.
Just Dave guessed 18 to be the square root of 69 and was also shy about demonstrations.
Astro Homo was designated as their sponsor, and sat on his ass to drink. The virgins were deemed worthy and welcomed to the hash.
Whistle Check Failure: Ditch Bitch, Krusty, Just Darryl, Spank Bank, Just Kathy, Dirtbag, BobHead
PigF*cker cleansed the Hashit, since he actually remembered to bring it this time.
Hashit nominations went to:
- Peace O'Chum for being a tattle tail
- Krusty for ass gas
- Spank Bank for doing something on trail
- Pontius Penis for whining
Spank Bank won in a landslide. He also drank from his nice new shoes, but not before he put up a fight, how foolish, and fruitless the struggle, unfortunately we forgot to filter the beer through his used sock. Oh well there is always next time.
Environmental Violations: Ditch Bitch, Just Dave, Snatch, Willy, Poptop, All Holes Hoping, Kid Kock, Dirtbag. (We suspent Laurel pissed on trail, too, but no one actually saw her do it.)
Married Couples: Astro Homo/Just Nancy, Kid Kock/Just Kathy, All Holes Hoping/Lickalottapuss, Just Dave/Just Sandra
Advertising Her Divorce Services to the Married Couples: Touchdown Jesus. She was joined by Nice Snatch (when one piece of shit lawyer drinks...)
Lost Shit: Ditch Bitch (who trusted her keys to Nice Snatch), Nice Snatch (for actually agreeing to hold her keys for her), Touchdown Jesus was thrown in. (when one lawyer drinks....)
Just Doug was deemed worthy for a name. The hash was proven unworthy of the task. Apparently fixated with Just Doug's resemblance to a certain Lord and Saviour, the drunken rabble soon landed on the spanish pronounciation of the name Jesus ("Hey Zeus!") The sad lot then conjured up the possible names: "Jesus, Part II," "My Own Personal Jesus," "Jesus Simmons," "Masturbator," "Jesus, the Rabbit Fucker," and "Jesus lives in your Mom's basement." After an intense and complicated voting process involving butterfly ballots and dangling chads, Just Doug was dubbed "Jesus, the Rabbit Fucker" and so shall this be his hash name until we change it.
Allouette was performed with the very willing Just Sharon, who gave us all the information we needed (a well trimmed thing) and was a very good sport, hopefully she and her husband will return soon.
Circle was concluded by singing assorted verses (Scooby, Mens version, Ladies version) of "Swing Low" and the pack adjourned to the confines of Astro's kitchen and some good home cooked food.
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