Hash 135 - A.S. Gisbert Memorial Hash - Cohoes, NY
Where: Black Cat Ale House, Cohoes, NY
Trash Editor: McCavity
Hares: PigF*cker, Ewe Infected Me
Hounds: Dirtbag, Peace O' Chum, Poptop, McCavity, Bodsa, Willie W*nker & TCF, Rainier Queer, Nice Snatch, Virgin Kim, Astro Homo, Ditch Bitch, Pontius Penis, Laurel, Spank Bank and at circle Krusty the MM.
Well, another record breaking weather day with temperatures reaching a balmy 55 degrees. Is this really February?! Anyway, upon my arrival Ditch Bitch greeted me with much exuberance, HUH!!! Then I find out why, she quickly whispers in my ear and says to save her from the bar molester. I turn around and find out this guy really needs to get laid!!! The pack started straggling in and as the bar entrance filled up with hashers he sort of melted back in with the other regulars at the bar. Every once in awhile he would come back, but through vigilant ignoring on our part he eventually left us to pick a fight with another regular at the bar.
The hares were away at the usual late hash standard time, but ahead of the usual start time of 7:00. After waiting the appointed time the pack gathered outside for a brief explanation to our sole virgin about markings used on today's trail, unfortunately we forgot that Ewe Infected Me was haring and some non-standard marks were used on trail that the pack had to figure out. After a quick round of "Hi, My Name Is Joe", the pack was off. At the first check point the pack went straight, bad trail, left and what they thought was true (hey, thatís usually what a true trail arrow indicates, right?), but of course trail actually was true to the right. At the next check point we came to our first non-standard EIM mark, what we found out to be a false trail marker that looked something like this IIII. After taking several minutes to try to figure out if this was a false trail marker, a true trail marker or just the stitches on a football it was discovered that it was the former. True trail was quickly sniffed out heading back down towards city hall and the first song check. Since the pack was relatively close together at this time the wait wasn't very long and we were back on trail heading back down hill and to the sole Eagle/Turkey split.
Eagle continued onto Simmons Island and across to Van Schaick Island and circled around to meet the turkey trail at the corner of Bridge St and 787. The turkeys made it to this point before the hares and accosted EIM for his mismarkings. The hares continued on trail and made a fatal mistake by not throwing a song check or hash halt at the corner, but instead put it down 2 blocks later; this gave the hounds McCavity and Nice Snatch the chance to catch up with and catch our hares, at which point the hares tried to say that there was a song check, OH WELL, caught hares are rare, but yes they were caught. The hounds feeling quite proud of themselves went back to the song check and waited for the pack to gather. Unfortunately the walkers got screwed at the turkey/eagle split due to the lack of markings on the turkey trail, but they doubled back and caught up with the pack at the song check without needing the search party that was dispatched to their aid. Way to go Bodsa, keep that virgin cumming back. Trail then continued around to Columbia St to the parking lot behind the Stewarts where we had our beer check.
After the hounds quenched their thirst (and managed to resist the temptation of snacks recently retrieved from the dumpster by EIM), the trail continued across the street and up some vertical shiggy. I decided to take the walkers on an easier trail avoiding the bicycle trail and instead staying to the well-lit sidewalks of Cohoes. Trail went, as I thought it would, to the top of Garner St and to the right on Johnston Ave. I being from Cohoes was giving a little sight seeing tour of the closed catholic schools and churches as well as the little mansion on the hill, blah, blah, blah!!! (Editor's note: by schools and churches we suspect he really means under age drinking dens and strip clubs). Trail continued down Johnston Ave and to the old abandoned bicycle trail. I knew we should have continued around to the bowling alley and picked up the trail, oh well, trail was well marked and the pace was OK, but apparently not OK to the hares. Bodsa received a phone call asking where we were and if we were OK, of course we were, I was leading them. The trail continued back to the bar, where circle was held. Down downs were performed by the hares for typically shitty trail. The next was FRB performed by McCavity. DAL was performed by Pontius Penis. Virgin Kim learned what snack food for under a dollar looks like, she would definitely get off on a bus full of lesbians, and she likes to be a cowgirl. Hashit was awarded to EIM for not learning his lessons on trail marking, maybe next week he will do better. Allouette was performed on Virgin Kim, and she was a very good sport (and apparently shaves, so as to not be a hairy dirtbag.) With that circle was closed with Swing Low in normal, Scooby Doo, Mens and Womens versions.Dirtbag
Scribe and GME
When the pack dropped the walkers and anyone else unwilling to brave the vertical shiggy (step forward Pontius) we followed the bike path, stopping to mark the one place trail met the road and picking up Peace O'Chum and Laurel in the process. After heading north through Cohoes on the path, trail finally fooled the FRB's by cutting sharply back down to the old Erie Canal where your scribe vaguely remembered running on his 2nd Halve Mein run many years before. This memory was a good thing as running by a large hole in the ground in the pitch dark and no flashlight might normally be considered foolhardy. Trail then headed back through the familiar center of the city (familiar thanks to the aimless wandering earlier as the pack tried to decipher EIM's trail markings).
With a straight run home the FRB's were able to indulge in their favorite unhashlike pursuit of r*cing (nooo, surely not) with McCavity arriving at the bar, slowing up and being elbowed brutally aside by Nice Snatch and left looking like a man who'd been on one too many hunting expeditions with Dick Cheney. The runners were all soon home while technology was employed to locate Dirtbag's walkers tour of the former fleshpots of his old home city.
Circle:Hares: Pigf*cker and Ewe Infected Me for a shitty trail
FRBs and racing: McCavity and Nice Snatch
DAL: Pontius Penis for hanging out with walkers
Backsliders: Ewe Infected Me , Ditch Bitch, Ranier Queer (and when one hare drinks...)
Hash Awards: Ewe Infected Me was finally presented with his plaques from last year's Jingle Bell. (and when one hare drinks...)
Failing the sweat test: Rainier Queer, Krusty (who turned up after his stint DJing on WRPI)
Analversaries: Dirtbag (for missing his 120th circle). Poptop 90, Astro Homo 50, Ditch Bitch 20, Spank Bank 5, Dirtbag for 120 at the last run
Missing last circle: Dirtbag (+ Peace O'Chum for autosearching for missing hashers at that run)
Virgin Kim: who was reported to have overachieved by shaving certain body parts pre-hash. She was unsure what to do with $1 or the square root of 69, would get off on the lesbian party bus, demonstrated her fave sexual position (on top) with a local rugger who happened to be drinking at the bar. Drank with sponsor Ranier Queer.
Matching clothing: Pontius Penis and McCavity
Not knowing what a true trail means: EIM, plus his co-hare Pigf*cker who drank to the oh so topical Olympic Hashing Song
Hashit nominations went to:
- Krusty for not bringing the DAL award
- Pissing on trail: Pontius, Pigf*cker, Rainier Queer
- Not knowing the hash signs and dumpster diving for snacks: EIM...
who of course won a landslide. (and when one hare drinks...)
Circle was concluded by Allouetting our virgin and singing assorted verses of "Swing Low"
Scribe Editor and Recorder of Circle Misbehavior
If you have anything to add, send a note to email@example.com.