Hash 114 - Revenge of The Furious Bush - Feura Bush, NY
Where: Palace du Sperm, Feura Bush, NY
Hares: McCavity, Sperm Bank, Stickley Bunz
Scribes: McCavity and THFKAD
Hounds: Dirtbag, THFKAD, Poptop, Laurel, Bodsa, All Holes Hoping, Stinky Queef, Dr Queer, Nice Snatch, Willy W**ker, Tubslut, Ditch Bitch, Bockman Turned Her Over, Certified Performance Anxiety, Gay Underway, Just Jen, Just Annie, Kneels for Jizz.
The trail took us out Sperm Bank's backyard through a field and into a playground. We cut into some bush there, where several of us decided the briar patches were infinitely more interesting than the clear cut paths. And so, first blood was drawn. Emerging onto a road, we ran on the side of the highway until we cut back into brush. Almost immediately, we were rewarded with the first beer check in an old barn. Not content to limit our criminal trespass to the first level, we all climbed the stair and played in the loft until the beer was gone. We left all the empty cans atop a handy rafter for later recovery.
Back on trail, we found many roadways and a long assed hill. Check points were few and false trails were long, stringing the pack out. We found a car on the roadside, which was abandoned by the walkers. Fools. Trail stayed on the road for a very long time after that. Admittedly, we did have a spectacular valley view at hilltop, but that did not serve to sway our hare-targeted venom. At the high power line cut through, the FRBs caught up with the walkers. The clever hares delayed the pack further by laying the trail alongside the road in the tall grass. We got scent of the trail and ran further up the never ending road to a history lesson. We encountered a suggestive fountain, and a home that had once served as a barracks during some ancient conflict (The French and Indian war, it appears.) When we hit a bridge over a ravine, we finally came off the road and found the hares huddled in a culvert with beer.
The entire pack crawled into the culvert to join the hares, but more so the cooler. After consuming some more beer, the hares left down the ravine. The full pack followed shortly after, enjoying the echo in the culvert during the singing of Yogi, Inches, and Shaft of Fire. It was to be the last dry land we would see for an hour. McCavity had promised a beaver check, turned out to be the wrong kind of beaver. We followed a creek for ages, deftly avoiding farmers and dogs, slippery rocks, and fallen trees (due to voluminous beaver activity.)
Finally, at a beautiful swimming hole, we found the lazy assed hares seated next to the blessed cooler of beer. The pack, now very strung out, slowly made their way in, except for two FRB fools who r*ced in. Stinky Queef suffered a rather spectacular demise to his efforts to be first in when he belly flopped into the pool. We drank beer, swam, exposed ourselves, and decided to have a pre-circle to name our 5 time runner, Just Kirk, as he would be skipping circle when we got back. Poptop also told us that he would be leaving shortly after getting back, so we decided he should drink for skipping circle again.
Getting back was a medium walk out past a waterfall to some stashed cars. From there, a 4 mile ride brought us to the Palace du Sperm for circle and some wonderful Madri Gras themed Cajun food. All hash cash was donated to Habitat for Humanity for reconstruction of areas devastated by Hurricane Katrina.Pre-circle:
Just Kirk was not named Surrogate Sex, FNA hole, or Double Entry. The hash has dubbed him Certified Performance Anxiety.
Poptop drank for skipping circle again (when one hasher who will skip circle drinks...)
Hares: McCavity, Sperm Bank, Stickley Bunz
FRB: Nice Snatch (Queef drank for racing)
FBI: Ditch Bitch (THFKAD promptly set upon her and fornicated)
Fornication in Circle: Ditch Bitch, THFKAD, Spermbank (McCavity drank as when one hare drinks...)
DAL: Tubslut (Just Jen and Gay Underway drank for arriving at the Pre-Cicle location last)
Virgin: Just Annie (would not get off a bus full of lesbians)
40th Run: Sperm Bank (and when one hare drinks!)
Backslider: Bockman Turned Her Over
Wardrobe malfunction (one pant leg): Bockman
Hash crash plus sponsorship: Dirtbag (carving a Nike swoosh into his leg), Willy W**ker, Bockman, Nice Snatch, Stinky Queef
Singing malfunction (Rule Britannia): All Holes Hoping
? - Willy W**ker, Bodsa, All Holes Hoping, Just Jen
Visitor: Kneels for Jizz (Snatch drank)
Holding hands in circle - Just Jen and Gay Underway
Crashing bike at last hash and pissing during circle - Nice Snatch
Oral Sex - Ditch Bitch
Hashit Winner: Nice Snatch
Non participation and making weird noises when hit in the balls with water: Dr Queer [Editor's note: Kneels for Jizz described it this way: "...it was his balls (or what I assumed to be his balls because the water was at that height when I turned to see what animal was being killed)."]
If you have anything to add, send a note to email@example.com.